Something is Wrong.

I'm not like normal girls. First of all I don't often get along with any females nor males. I feel strange feelings towards everyone and everything. I often stare at everyone assuming once they stop talking I'm supposed to kiss them bye. Most people associate this as me being a harlet. Seeing as this occurs no matter who the person is nor how much I despise them. I just know this isn't normal and I'm thankful I know better than to kiss everyone goodbye. This is one of my more humorous traits. Or one of the only. Another one is how I'd do anything to be covered in bruises. Even if how they got there is of a more serious matter I should deal with I ignore the pain for as long as I can and i just indulge in these markings that show someone or fate really let me have it. Almost as though I associate them as being what I deserve. At night I have to take 6-8 extra strength sleeping pills before I can even feel drowsy, I'm on such high alert at night because I'm afraid of who's in my room and how close they get to me. I feel them watching me and the idea of their hands clenching to the side of my bed has already made me subconsciously sleep as far from the edge as possible. I don't like when people I see touch me. I especially don't like when things I can't always see touch me. The idea of their hands tearing through my bed and grabbing onto me and clenching to my arms and face and neck and legs. Making me unable to move nor scream or fight. But yet the idea that they'd go for my throat brings me to another strange trait of mine. My interest in suffocation and drowning. The fact that neither of these repulse me nor scare me. I'm greatly intrigued rather. I've drown at least 3 times in my life and remember most of it's sensations. Especially a brief moment of bliss as I sat watching others pass by. I felt invisible. If they did see me why didn't they try to save me? Perhaps all bystanders are too intrigued by allowing another to die infront of them just to know what it's like. Anyways I feel that the cause of these traits did not just occur. Nature vs. Nurture. I do not believe that one day my little self decided I'd debate whether to embrace one in tender arms  or hurt them and with only one do I still feel alive these days. I was not born to be likely to get shot down by police. But I'm sure if you talked to me about my family we could find a better reason.

She Says Goodbye.

In all honesty I can tell you my name, but if you ask me to talk about who I really am that's where things get sticky. I can't let alone talk about things I like about me because everything I like seems to have a counteraction that makes me want it to be someone else's. That's where she came from. Taking all of me that I like and separating it from myself to form someone else. If you were to meet her you'd think she was phenomenal. She's gorgeous and so brilliant she's almost mythical. But to me she's very much real. For all that nonsense that I hate about me the fragile pieces and the loose strings and amnesia. That stayed. For all that she is good she is just as bad. If not worse. Almost as though she stole my life from my body leaving this hollow person to roam the world. But of course that is not enough. She wants me dead more so than any girl who hates me. More so than any life i've touched. If anyone dares to beg to differ they should meet her. Of course they will, she hates competition. Not out of fear of losing but more so the annoyance it casts. If you were to have met me before things went wrong and before I lost it all you'd realize I'm nothing like what you would have thought. There's a subconscious tone of mine that tries to build walls and pretend I'm normal, I'm fine, you could even say strong. But once those walls fall down and the darkness drains all strength, the lime light shows that I'm scared, lost and built with glass bones. Within those walls is a divine person a virgin to life. But yet she's living in a place where darkness oozes through the seams. She is trapped within her own fortress and in due time she will die. Then there will be nothing left of me. Not even my other half would survive without her light.

I'm just notifying anyone out there that this is a sign that we're dying.