Something is Wrong.

I'm not like normal girls. First of all I don't often get along with any females nor males. I feel strange feelings towards everyone and everything. I often stare at everyone assuming once they stop talking I'm supposed to kiss them bye. Most people associate this as me being a harlet. Seeing as this occurs no matter who the person is nor how much I despise them. I just know this isn't normal and I'm thankful I know better than to kiss everyone goodbye. This is one of my more humorous traits. Or one of the only. Another one is how I'd do anything to be covered in bruises. Even if how they got there is of a more serious matter I should deal with I ignore the pain for as long as I can and i just indulge in these markings that show someone or fate really let me have it. Almost as though I associate them as being what I deserve. At night I have to take 6-8 extra strength sleeping pills before I can even feel drowsy, I'm on such high alert at night because I'm afraid of who's in my room and how close they get to me. I feel them watching me and the idea of their hands clenching to the side of my bed has already made me subconsciously sleep as far from the edge as possible. I don't like when people I see touch me. I especially don't like when things I can't always see touch me. The idea of their hands tearing through my bed and grabbing onto me and clenching to my arms and face and neck and legs. Making me unable to move nor scream or fight. But yet the idea that they'd go for my throat brings me to another strange trait of mine. My interest in suffocation and drowning. The fact that neither of these repulse me nor scare me. I'm greatly intrigued rather. I've drown at least 3 times in my life and remember most of it's sensations. Especially a brief moment of bliss as I sat watching others pass by. I felt invisible. If they did see me why didn't they try to save me? Perhaps all bystanders are too intrigued by allowing another to die infront of them just to know what it's like. Anyways I feel that the cause of these traits did not just occur. Nature vs. Nurture. I do not believe that one day my little self decided I'd debate whether to embrace one in tender arms  or hurt them and with only one do I still feel alive these days. I was not born to be likely to get shot down by police. But I'm sure if you talked to me about my family we could find a better reason.