Church

I went to a Roman Catholic Church on new years eve. I didn't hate it. I didn't not like it. I feel bad about it. My spleen started to kill so I felt like I was on fire and dieing, so I thought it was like "they know I'm not like them the buildings rejecting me." But no my body was just expressing that it wasn't happy. I'd go again, I don't know if I'd be invited again. I still feel bad. I talked during church and felt disrespectful. I talk when nervous though and the seeing as I haven't been to church since I was a child and am now in church with the most religious family I know I think I have the right to be nervous. But I love his mum she seemed to acknowledge that this world they have in this building is new and terrifying to me. I think if I were to go again I'd be better and talk less. Especially if I just held Nick's hand, holding his hand and arms made me feel a lot more comfortable and calm. But people talking in sync will forever give me a chill down my spine, large groups talking in sync.... unneeded and unnatural and creepy (in general). It seems like it's a fear of mine.