This Is Him

At a time this was my best friend. He meant the world to me. He cared a lot about me. We used to always be smiling and happy around one another. He was my first, he surely wasn't my last. I ruined his life, and I am sorry.

This is James Nicholas Roland Fuller, all I can say is he once was my world. Now all we seem to do is argue and fight. He was born on July 1st 1993, and formerly attended H.B. Beal Secondary. His father left his mother when he was a baby and he'll never forgive him for such. He was indeed Jewish. Last I saw him was on New Years and though he hugged me and was kind. He felt as though nothing of our past ever happened. I mentioned something to him about what was sooo special about New Years between me and him and he hadn't remembered. He hadn't remembered November 1st either. I don't think I'll ever be able to reconnect with him if he can't remember those dates and their importance.

I should say more because he was a major step in my life. I should also say how I ruined him.

He was what I thought was my first love. He cared for me and tried to save me from my family. He was the first to hold me when I cried. And he was my boyfriend/friend during some of the hardest things I experienced. Such as when I was bullied, when my school accused me of planning a columbine, when my best friend was stabbed and killed by someone else I knew and cared for, when my sister was in pain due to love, when my mother nearly killed me, when I kicked out our car window, the first time I was taken to hospital because things weren't working right. His existence helped me a lot.

After what was nearly our divorce seeing as we acted like a married couple, and after he was told of what I had done; I ruined him. He filled with hate and pain. I was his first and only love. He wanted to kill himself, he wanted to kill me. He burned nearly everything I ever gave him. His family grew a hate for me because of what I had done. He began to call me cruel words though I deserved every one of them. He was placed into therapy for awhile. When we first met he wanted to be a teacher, a really fucking cool burly teacher. He wanted to live in a forest in a cabin with me; far from the city. He wanted a simple life to indulge in everything we had. Now he wants to be a dj in England in a big busy city; almost as though he wants to forget everything we ever had. One day when I write all the notes saying goodbye to all those I've ever cared for. His will consist of how one of the reasons I must leave is because I had broken someone who meant a lot more then I thought originally.